By Kerri Reeves, LMSW, Oncology Support Services Manager, Oncology Social Worker , TMC Health Cancer Center
Cancer. It’s a word that can shake the foundation of a person’s world—whether it’s your own diagnosis or that of someone you love. The emotional weight is immense, and the journey ahead can feel uncertain and overwhelming. But one of the most powerful ways we can help is simple: we show up.
Research by Evans Webb and colleagues (2021) highlights that cancer patients who receive consistent support from family and friends experience better emotional well-being, are more likely to follow treatment plans, and often have more favorable outcomes. Support matters. And showing up—physically, emotionally, and practically—can make all the difference.
Loved ones respond to a cancer diagnosis in many ways. Some are afraid—afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of the disease itself, afraid of the possibility of loss. That fear can lead to distance. Others may respond with overwhelming attention, reaching out constantly in ways that can feel smothering. And some may fade over time, as the initial shock wears off, and life pulls them in other directions.
So how do we support someone with cancer in a meaningful, balanced way?
We show up.
Showing up means being present. It means continuing to be part of their life—not just in the beginning, but throughout the journey. It can be as simple as offering to attend medical appointments and take notes, helping them remember what the doctor said. It might mean driving them to treatments or just sitting beside them in the waiting room.
Showing up also means keeping life going. Talk to them about your day, share funny stories, laugh about your kids or grandkids—just like you always did. These moments of normalcy can be grounding and comforting.
Practical help is another powerful form of support. Cook a meal. Organize a meal train. Help with chores like cleaning, taking out the trash, raking leaves, or walking the dog. These small acts of kindness can ease the burden and remind them they’re not alone.
And don’t stop showing up.
It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Supporting someone through cancer is emotionally taxing, and you may find yourself struggling too. If that happens, ask: who can show up for you?
Oncology social workers are trained to support not only patients but also their loved ones. You’re going through this too, and your feelings are valid. Whether you’re angry, in denial, sad, or even happy—it’s all part of the process. If you find yourself stuck in one of the darker places, it’s time to reach out for help.
Showing up is powerful. It’s healing. It’s human. And it’s something we can all do.
Here are some helpful resources that will guide you in your support journey.
- 16 Ways to Support Someone with Cancer
- Being a Friend to Someone with Cancer
- Appointment buddy or meal planner? 4 ways to support a friend with cancer
- How to Show Up When Your Friend Has Breast Cancer
Reference: Evans Webb, M., Murray, E., Younger, Z. W., Goodfellow, H., & Ross, J. (2021). The Supportive Care Needs of Cancer Patients: a Systematic Review. Journal of cancer education : the official journal of the American Association for Cancer Education, 36(5), 899–908. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13187-020-01941-9
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